Self-Mastery

I've read piles of American 'get-what-you-want' books talking about "self-mastery."  I now know those books are on how to better meet your own expectations, to appease your ego.  To identify and seek your desires.  Desire is a holy path; it is in obtaining the object of desire and finding it dissatisfying, that you may begin to turn within.

My desire was to be happy.  For years I trailed after and questioned individuals I thought had it figured out.  I pursued them, far from bliss, to their most private dreams and darkest moments, until I was able to see how empty their pretending had made them.  Convinced I needed a role model to become who I wanted to be, the experience was demoralizing.

There are many caves dedicated to the Buddha throughout Asia, many hand-hewn, with statues well over a thousand years old.  Many Thai Buddhist temples are built near caves, and maintain shrines within.  My luck once found me inside one of these caves, and so I found, inside me, one of these caves.  Allegorically speaking.

Having wandered the wat grounds and found the entrance, I took off my shoes and ducked in.  I am immediately surrounded by wet black rock jutting at unexpected angles.  Brimfull buckets echo the sound of steadily dripping water.  The barefoot climb up and down slick stone steps is laid with towels for sure footing.  Having entered a shrine chamber and taking seat on a mat, I found myself open-hearted and face-to-face with a triad of Buddha statues in luminous candlelight.

I looked into the faces of these statues in turn, taking in the subtle nuances of their expressions.  One is still and strong, wide awake.  Another has a calm and open smile.  The last with closed eyes, enjoying samadhi, or some such lovely state.  My imagination, or maybe my mirror neurons, took wing and carried me there.  I realized only afterward I was entirely engaged for an unknown period of time in my own enjoyment of... what?

This was not shaktipat, not a flash of enlightenment.  Just the realization that self-mastery is not in having conscious control or mastery over my thoughts and actions, but in the ego surrendering to my true self.  Whether it is inherent, imagined, or demonstrated, there is a place in my mind where dwells a part of my self which I can turn to as a master, to teach me everything I wish to learn.

Yoga for Sleepyheads

There are lots of poses you can do with minimal effort before (or whether or not) you get out of bed!  Maybe you're depressed, maybe you had a late night, or maybe you're sore from yesterday.  Strike a deal to stay in bed (just five more minutes?) while getting in touch with your body and breath.  Here are some baby steps, before your feet even touch the floor!

On your back, there are plenty of choices, aside from savasana.  Here are my absolute favorites:

• Supta baddha konasana!  Soles of the feet together, shoulders down and back to expand the ribcage.  Open your hips the relaxing way, with gravity and breath.  You can bunch your blankie under your knees if you're not comfortable flat on the bed.

Self-guided Discipline

Working toward something and practicing something are two different things.  In the daily practice of yoga, achieving the final posture has no greater benefit than almost achieving the final posture.  Being mindfully and earnestly in the posture has a greater benefit than striving toward a desired result.

You don't have to listen to your teacher when they give you an adjustment, or tell you to go deeper. Self-discipline is not driving your self to achieve what other people think you should.  Self-discipline is not driving yourself resolutely, blindly to a goal.  Instead, be flexible in your goals, and mindful of the consequences of your actions.

What is self-discipline?  I personally think it is to be equanimous with the statement, "I don't know, and neither does anyone else," and to give your energy to the best answer you yourself can come up with.  You can trust no one but yourself to find the path to walk that is right for you, the depth of posture that is right for you.

Full Doggy Workout

Adho Mukha Svanasana.  One of the first poses we all learn, one of the easiest poses to just hang out in.  I get to loosen up a bit and feel productive and self-congratulatory, think about what movie to watch on Friday...

Wait a minute!  This is अधोमुखश्वानासन!  

It's a symphony in flesh!  It's a jungle to explore!  With focus in different areas it becomes choose-your-own-adventure pose!  To remember this, here are three in-depth tips to making this pose your best friend and greatest challenge. 

(As always, if it hurts, back off!  Live to practice another day.)

1)  Bend your knees, lift your tailbone, and then straighten your knees again.  That is, if you can.
Extra credit: Engage your quads; kneecaps up!

Spoiler alert!  You've just extended the distance your hammies need to cover by raising your hips.

2)  Imagine your hands are your new feet.  Shift the weight in your hands evenly into the heel and both sides of the ball of your palm.  Spread your fingers wide.
Extra credit:  Engage your lats; shoulders down!  Easy?  Rotate your elbows toward the floor.

Spoiler alert!  This will alter how your arms and shoulders articulate, again demanding more length.  To reduce weight while you play with this, consider coming down onto your knees or elevating your hands with a chair.

3)  After all that, engage your lower abs to tuck your pubic bone toward your sternum.  Try it out.  There's a neat-o secret-passage-type happening that will surprise and amaze you.  Try it, I'll wait!

Spoiler alert!  Tucking the pelvis in this position, instead of moving the pelvis even a centimeter, simply puts traction on the upper back.  That's right, your upper back, where you slump over, where you hold all that tension, day after stinking day.  You no longer have to rely solely on backbends to open the upper back.  While it's obvious that this is a spinal flexion pose, the targeting of the upper back makes this pose a one of a kind.

Ah, Down Dog!  This pose can be a well-behaved little Fluffy, silent, smiling and content... or a ferociously powerful beast, yanking at its leash!  You are in control, and you get to decide if it's a lapdog or bulldog kind of day.

More Advice from New York

During yoga practice, my teacher asks me, "What's the most important thing when you're a yoga instructor?"

Answers jockey for position in my mind.  Clear verbal instructions, deconstructing poses, making adjustments, modeling poses well...  "Communication?"

"Confidence.  People are gonna follow you if you're confident.  If you don't know the poses, if you don't know shit, they still show up to class because they think you do.  They're gonna see that you feel good, and they're gonna feel good, too."

I squint.

"You know, I see you.  I really see you as a yoga teacher.  You look good, you do your poses good.  You're a good looking girl, that's a good start."

I raise my eyebrows.

"Don't worry it!  Confidence.  That's all I'm saying.  But, that comes with time-- with experience.  So, don't worry about it."

I am confused, but more comfortable with my lack of confidence.  A student's reaction is something even the most experienced teachers no control over.